Dear Stewart,

It's sometimes bothered me just a little bit that on occasion, new people brought into the theatre to fill out the parts of shows that company members don't take tend to not know my name. I'm not proud of this. I mostly laugh it off and say it doesn't matter, because really, it doesn't.

It's stupid and maybe a little narcissistic of me because these people work with the company very hard for months and then I show up for the last week or so of rehearsals, and they're introduced to me once or twice or three or four times, and they have lots of stuff on their minds and parts to learn and new blocking to memorize, and seriously, I'm just the chick in the booth hitting "play" and "go."

One woman called me "Eileen" and "Pauline" repeatedly in front of the director of the company, who corrected her. I did not.

That person is now gone (and usually the other new people don't stick around very long either; knowing or not knowing my name is never the reason they leave), but for other reasons (I never told anyone, but on the night they took cast photos, I was asked to join them on stage for the last photo, along with the assistant director. The director teasingly instructed me to "take off all my clothes!" I knew what she had said, and why she said it, and I was giggling and blushing and acting like a five year old, and a little bit considering going for it. The woman who didn't know my name or why the director would say such a thing to me, or who the hell I was or why I was on stage with them all, made a disparaging comment about that direction. Her lack of understanding of why such a thing might be said or how it could not be considered offensive was part of her whole problem); it's not my business to know or share those reasons with you, even if I did know them. I do know that this scenario with the "take off your clothes!" bit will take place again, and I don't mind. I love that part. Maybe one day I'll do it. I mean, what the hell, right?

I've been a little vague on whether or not it really bothers me that these people don't know me. I'm saying it doesn't but clearly it does, but I wish that it didn't. Maybe that's what I'm saying. I sign up to do this job and I enjoy it, and I get plenty of thanks and all the diet Cokes I can drink. I have fun, and I'm lucky that the people who I care about in the theatre care about me, and the ones who don't, don't. That's fine. I tried to make a funny story out of it, and I guess I failed, and that's okay too.

Ever since my 38th birthday in February, I've been having thoughts about my inability to do certain things, and I've been prefacing those thoughts with, "I'm almost 40 years old, I should be able to..."

I'm almost 40 years old. I should be able to correct people when they get my name wrong.

Love you,
Irene