I KEEP TRYING TO WRITE SOMETHING

BUT I GET STUCK ON THE MORAL OF THE STORY WHEREIN MY FAKE CHARACTER THAT'S REALLY ME (but isn't) HAS TO DEAL WITH THE REALITY OF A SITUATION THAT ISN'T REAL.

Why Am I Torturing What Started Out as a fun story about a fantastical relationship with a famous person and taking all the fun out of it??

Look, if you're wondering what happens next in the saga of Stewart Copeland and "Irene Casarez," SO AM I. So far all I've come up with involves me (her?) alone and lonely in Santa Monica, singing karaoke ("So Lonely," "Can't Stand Losing You," "Hole In My Life," "Darkness,") and becoming a cleaning lady in a hotel after both dream men, Stewart and Patrick leave me to reap the consequences of my sins. Why is that all I can come up with?

Fuck! That's no fucking fun!

Why can't I make them, I don't know, rich and happy and sexy? Why can't I let my alter ego be happy, in a different way than I am happy, sure, but happy? We could both be happy, who does it hurt? Could it be because I recently read somewhere (and I have no idea when the event I'm about to tell you about happened) that my dream man is a GRANDPA? and that the things that make him happiest in life are his SEVEN children? And that he used to have an "open" marriage but that he realizes now what a schmuck he was? and that he doesn't believe in fan love anymore?

Argh! I just want to fantasize about traveling around the world with him and playing music I'm unqualified to play (and yes, this time that is a euphemism) with him and instead I have to go get all moral about it? It's a fantasy! It's a fantasy! It's a fantasy! It was fun for all of us, until something changed.

What changed?!

Stay tuned. Maybe I'll bust through this one. Maybe not. It could be the thing that makes me feel like a total failure... or the thing that makes me feel like a real writer.

(Ha! AS IF!)

Stewart, if you're reading this (if you're reading this is what makes me totally delusional, but in a totally sane way), has the saga of me and you (ME and YOU have a SAGA! Like John and Yoko!) offended you in any way? Am I crazy? Are there photos of me in the possession of your bodyguards? Does idly wondering if I'm important enough to have been noticed by you a sign of something bad? I just wanted to tell a story, man. I'm totally normal, I'm not a stalker, I'm not crazy, I was just having some fun, I swear.

(Calming down now. Stepping away from the computer. Please don't be afraid.)

See you in 8 days at Amoeba!