What the hell is this?

I Can't Stand [Meeting] You is a collection of all the ridiculous things I've written to and about drummer and composer Stewart Copeland.

I actually did meet him for about five crazy seconds in 2007, again for a few exciting moments in August 2009, and my most recent (and most thrilling!) encounter took place in October 2009, where I proved myself capable of being, yet again, a total dork in the man's presence.

I can't believe what I get up to. And neither should you.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Stewart, I'm sure you won't mind if I take a moment to use this space to address his mighty Sting-ness this morning, right?

Dear Sting,

I read online (here) that you're going on the road with an orchestra and performing "your" hits. I read that you're calling this little outing "Symphonicity." Judging from what I saw the two times I saw the Police a couple of years ago and from listening to all of your solo work, I'm sure that what you and your arrangers do to songs like "Shadows In the Rain" and "Walking In Your Footsteps" won't suck at all.

I don't think you've ever been afraid to be boring, and that's not a compliment.

You may not know this, or those around you are afraid to tell you the truth; I, my friend, am not afraid of you: "Symphonicity" is the fucking stupidest name I've ever heard.

Sincerely,
Irene

8 comments:

Jeff Schwartz said...

You should be grateful. His first choice was "The Rite of Sting."

dufmanno said...

Sometimes I just want to squeeze Sting's head like a melon in desperation.
I know he's got crippling writers block. I understand the lure of reworking the old classics for a surefire sellout tour.
But I'd like to see Sting acknowledge the Police and his pairing with the other 2/3's of the trio as something other than a thorn in his side to be removed.
Accept this, Mr. Sumner and you shall be free.
That said, I'm still considering dropping hundreds to go see this mess. I'm like a Police crack addict with a low supply and nothing to lose.

Irene said...

I LOVE THAT.

By the way, I lied. I stopped listening to Sting's solo work around the time 1993's "Ten Summoner's Tales" came out. And even then I was making fun of him.

Irene said...

Dufmanno, I totally understand and am not judging you for giving Sting your hard earned money and your precious ears.

On the other hand, this is exactly why I employ my imaginary friend, Stewart Copeland, in satisfying my need to, um, have a relationship with my idols.

Now. If Sting wanted to hire me or my flute teacher to be one of those flute players in the "Symphonicity" band, I'd be singing another tune entirely.

I'm going straight home and learning "Mother" tonight. Wait, that's Andy's song, isn't it. Never mind.

paulinho said...

ugh. blech. so disappointing. i rather liked his first solo effort -- what was it called? island of the blue dolphins? dream of the purple people eater? -- but i stopped listening after that.

i had a co-worker who LOVED sting and listened incessantly. the only benefit for me was that it cured me of my Police-crack addiction and the compulsion to blow my cash on a show that was, as George Carlin would have said, "minimally exceptional."

dufmanno said...

That mother song is like my personal anthem.
Next you need to write a letter to Andy so we can talk about/with him.

Irene said...

Sting, he wrote about vampires, rhymed "America" with "hysteria" and hired a jazz drummer who also played with Dire Straits, about whom I refuse to commentate (in a word: suck) further. Blech! Get off my wall, Sting-o!

dufmanno said...

George Carlin had another word that could be used to describe the Symphonicity nightmare.
I believe it was "Mongolian Clusterf*ck"
I used the star in case someone has delicate eyes.